Owarell’s alter Vamp self better be careful. He cannot enjoy too much of the sunrise.
Coffee-not nearly enough
I just think today was doomed from the start. I know, I’m starting negative but it’s my fucking blog. I was shocked awake from some strange dream I can barely remember. I do remember that “HE” was in it, so at least that was good. Oh who is he? Well if you don’t already know you may not be privy to this info. In reference to my favorite fanfic of all time, the trials and tribulations of such matters shall henceforth be known as the “thing”
So. ….I decide I’m going to make a really good dinner and have him invited over. This seems like a good idea. Show off my cooking skills. So my cousin and I go to Walmart to gather the proper ingredients. We get back and take the back way to see if he is perhaps in the garage, but alas his car is GONE. Ok this looks somewhat upsetting but maybe he’s getting car parts.
Cuz and hubby go out to lunch and I start dinner prep then try to think of something to do to burn off nervous energy. HEY I think to myself, I bet he would be happy if I can manage to clear part of the driveway of roofing material so he can get his car out of the garage. Oh hey, good way to see if he shows up too. Argh I’m stupid stupid STUPID!!! I end up with roofing in my hair, pants, bra, everywhere.
ANYWAY, I finish up with that and go work on dinner while still eyeing the garage and clock feeling like an uber weird stalker when I have a small panic attack. What if my food sucks? Do I have roofing on my face? Where is my gatorade? AAAHHHHHHHHHH
So I do all this work and make awesome food only to find out he got called out on a job *pout* someone give me a cookie
There are a lot of things I don’t understand, and I admit this freely. Lately though, this one has been bothering me. This whole thing with Miley Cyrus. At first, I was thinking it was all of the “old people” that were offended, but now I’m realizing the old people are people my age. So, why am I not offended? Seriously. I saw the music awards thing as funny, a publicity stunt. I see the video as cool video. Does no one remember Alanis Morrisett (sp?) in the 90′s? She did a completely nude video, no one had a fucking cow about that. I just don’t understand how I cannot be affected in the same way as everyone else. Is it because I am an artist? Is it because I forgot to grow up? A combination of these perhaps? I find the more I try to connect with people of my own age, the further from them I seem to be. I do not know why this is. I do not hold the same values, ideas, lifestyle. What is so wrong with me that I am so different. I really am like an alien.
Yeah, It’s been quite awhile since I’ve done one of these. Life has been fairly busy, as you can all tell by the drop off in amount of art, and the ebb and flow of photos. I’ve settled in quite nicely now, got my meds all straightened out, been put on a couple extra ones, oh joy. I’m still fighting the fight with bipolar, and it’s a daily struggle. I don’t know from one day to the next if I am going to feel great and wonderful, or depressed and like life is not worth living. Well, I don’t get quite that depressed now on meds, but I still get pretty damned down to where I just want to give up on everything. My OCD has leveled off finally, I think the meds are helping greatly with it. I’m still not dealing very well with the BPD, I still think everything is my fault, and I’m the source of all bad luck that happens around me. No amount of medication will help with that. I will have a therapist again in a week or so though, so that’s going to help greatly. I’ve been without weekly counseling since I’ve moved. For the most part it’s been ok, since I’ve been on a major high upswing of the bipolar. You know, everything is great and wonderful. Been coming down from that the last month though, and it’s been difficult.
Oh, and what has been keeping me busy busy this past week? Job hunting. It was getting pretty depressing, because no one wants to hire a heavily medicated person. I do have to divulge information about some of my medications, as they do make me somewhat shaky and drowsy at times. Also, I need to find out about stress levels of a job, and the amount of people I would have to deal with. I know what I can and cannot handle, so I do not want to take just any job uninformed. Well, I finally got a job! Nothing fancy or glamorous. I start today at McDonald’s near my house. It’s within walking distance, 6 hour days, 5 days a week. I can handle that. It’s working in back, cooking/prep/etc. No cashier or drive thru work needed, they are working around that for me because of my nervous condition. So, I’m pretty happy. The other food places were not willing to work around my disability. The starting pay here is high, since we are in oil field country and they need to pay a somewhat lucrative wage to make people want to work there, so no minimum wage for me :) I start today at 2pm for orientation, then after that, not sure when my regular schedule starts, but I’m really excited
So….. that’s the basics on what’s been going on. I meant to make an even shorter post than this, but then I started blabbering on like a dork.